I'll tweet yours if you facebook mine

I work in the communications/marketing segment of our beautiful U.S. economy. It's a rather large and all-encompassing group of people that likes to spend a lot of time getting together telling one another what to do. This typically happens at conferences, lunch and learns, Webinars, etc. I recognize the ridiculousness of these frequent and redundant gatherings, yet am powerless to resist them. (There's usually food.)

I attended two such gatherings today, both conducted by experts on the subject of "social media." And now, after attending literally dozens of educational sessions on this topic, I am struck by one simple fact: There is no such thing as a "social media expert."

Maybe we should stop anointing them.

A social media expert, as far as I can tell, is someone who devotes large chunks of his or her day to surfing the Internet, tweeting, and downloading LOLCats. Then he (or she...but let's get serious, here: they're men) tells others they should be doing the same thing. "You HAVE TO blog; it's essential for your business!" "If you're not on MySpace, the market will leave you behind. It's where everything's happening." "Use these sites, but also find a way to stand out on them; you can't just blend in with the crowd." Or my personal favorite today: "Blogging is just, well, journalism." (Edward R. Murrow turned over in his grave on that one.)

Let me be clear: I don't necessarily disagree with these urgings for communications professionals to embrace social media. Surely a savvy organization will and should find a way to reach its audience on a Web site like Facebook, but I would contend that you shouldn't have to think that hard about how or why you would do it. I would also contend that there are so few success stories in the realm of social media marketing that it is mathematically impossible for the hundreds (if not more) who purport to be experts on this topic to actually exist.

Oh, and if you have to ask what sorts of things you might write about on your blog, you probably DON'T NEED A BLOG.

(*gasp*)

That's right, I said it. No master's degree in Internet marketing for me.

The write stuff

So my husband started a blog. He also totally stole my move by starting his first post with the word "so." My husband has many talents (more than I care to acknowledge sometimes), including but not limited to: making buildings that don't fall down, ensuring offensive linemen can appropriately identify aiming points, and Tecmo Bowl. Oh, and giving his opinion on things. That's a talent we have in common.

I would also include writing as a talent of his. He has a way with words, even if it's not necessarily my way. I can definitely appreciate what he brings to the table when it comes to communicating, even if his communication is fraught with comma splices. (Semicolons for life! Holler at them! Woot! Also: I use cool slang terminology and have never met a parenthetical tangent I didn't like.)

I am fully aware that anything at which I have a talent pales in comparison to pretty much everything my husband does. But can I just have the writing thing? I was pretty much writing a book when I came out of the womb. I earned a journalism degree and people have paid me to write things for them on SEVERAL occasions. You might not know from reading this bullcrap, but I CAN arrange words into sentences in an entertaining manner...and even punctuate them correctly. It's sort of my thing.

And I don't hold anything at all against my husband for trying to do the same thing I do. I'm sure if I decided I wanted to try my hand at diagramming zone blocking schemes, he'd be fully supportive. It's just that...

He's already better at it than I am, and it's giving me a complex.

Well, better is a subjective term. But he's certainly more successful. I've been published on many occasions, but NO ONE has ever read this hot mess upon which you're currently gazing via ESPN.com. My husband writes a blog, and within 24 hours, BLAM: People are telling my father that they saw the link to his son-in-law's blog on ESPN.com.

But yes, I know: The blogosphere is big enough for the both of us.

I'll just be over here with my semicolons.

Things at which I suck...

...at least according to my own blog. In lieu of writing something new, here are links to some of my favorite past disaster blog posts. Here's to me sucking at more stuff in 2009 so I can write about it!

Things at which Kate has proven to be exceedingly bad (2005-2008):
1) Sports.
2) Modeling.
3) Reviewing restaurants: See Exhibit A and Exhibit B.
4) Holiday decorating: Two examples...yet again!
5) Placing an order at Starbucks. More than once.

*sigh*