Thinking outside the inbox

So I've always wanted to find out exactly who those people are who write the e-mail forwards.

You know the ones I mean: Those messages that say things like "I am proud to be an American and think we should nuke Djibouti and those who don't agree with me can go to hell! If you agree, forward this to 40 people." or "For every person you forward this message to, Bill Gates will send you a $100 gift certificate for Crystal Pepsi." Or whatever. (I know these lose something when translated to a font that is not blue 36-point Comic Sans and without being illustrated by an animated GIF of a bald eagle flapping its wings, but you get the picture.)

I mean, really: Where do these come from? Are the authors 12 years old? In mental institutions? Please help me understand.

And while the authors of these masterpieces have me utterly perplexed, I am also aware that they are far outnumbered by the thousands of people who will willingly forward them without thinking twice (or even once). When did our society come to the consensus that it's okay to "say" whatever you want as long as you didn't write it and are just, to quote Michael Scott in The Office, "forwarding like it's hot...f-f-forwarding it like it's hot?"

I seriously doubt my co-workers would consider it acceptable for me to fire off an e-mail to them saying, "Remember the days when women stayed at home and raised their children? Wasn't that great? And don't you think the federal government should stop spending money to rebuild the communities of those whiny Hurricane Katrina victims? Boy, they have a lot of nerve. Forward this to 10 people."

I can pretty confidently say this would be considered inappropriate and my co-workers would, at minimum, think I was crazy. Probably worst case scenario, one of them would sue me for harrassment. But contrast: If I simply forward an e-mail containing these sentiments, they magically become okay regardless of truth, tact, or tolerance. Not okay to me, that is. But apparently okay to most people.

In fact, I've learned that some people even consider it their patriotic duty to forward such e-mails, even if they don't necessarily agree with them. Also: I have learned that you are not allowed to question or even comment upon the content because, hey: The sender didn't write it! They're just forwarding it! You should also be warned, if you haven't been already, that just because the person who forwards you an e-mail is one of the most intelligent, accomplished individuals you know IT DOES NOT MEAN ANYTHING. I think we've all learned that the hard way: Inboxus Megastupidius can literally afflict anyone at any time.

But, I'm sorry: In my opinion, the act of forwarding intolerant or otherwise stupid e-mails at least creates the illusion that the sender supports their content, if not serves as a full-fledged endorsement. I know, I know, but I don't care if that wasn't your intent; I'm just telling you how it is. I would love to start a movement to dispel the notions that: A) people are in any way obligated to forward all their e-mails; and B) people should not be held accountable for views expressed in the e-mails they send. Even ones written in 36-point blue Comic Sans and decorated with animated GIFs that were written by 12-year-olds in mental institutions. Sorry, dudes.

Maybe I should create an e-mail expressing my views and start forwarding it around. I hear if I send it to at least 10 people I will probably win a Disney vacation, or at least a Cracker Barrel voucher. From Warren Buffett, who planted an e-mail tracking device in the message.

Hey, I didn't make the rules. Al Gore did, when he invented the Internet. At least that's what he claims, the pretentious bastard. Didn't you get the e-mail about that?