The Finial Countdown

I'm surveying the renovated walk-in closet in a for-sale Des Moines home when I hear my 15-month-old son making ape noises in the next room. I glance around the corner to discover him circling a four-poster bed, his arms stretched above his head as he exclaims, "Ooh, ooh, oooooh! Pretty! Pretty! Oooooh!"

"Oh," my husband says to the realtor in a sheepish tone, rumpling his face as he quickly assesses the situation. "He really likes finials."

Yes, finials. The decorative ornaments found on the ends of flagpoles, bedposts, grandfather clocks, and curtain rods. He freaking loves them.

There was never much question that my husband's and my offspring would end up being a little...well, different. But even I have to admit: This finial thing can be a little hard to explain. I believe the obsession started at my parents' house, where CJ fell in love with the grandfather clock much as he had done at our house. For whatever reason, my mom once removed the finials from the clock and handed them to him as part of the process of "visiting" the item. Being a toddler who loves routine and being perhaps also slightly weird, CJ insisted on examining and replacing the finials each time thereafter. From there, he began holding finials while having his diaper changed on my parents' four-poster bed, inspiring the sentence my mom says proves the English language contains infinite combinations of words:

"Don't get finials in the poop."
-- My dad

My son manhandling yet
another innocent finial.

My son also likes to peer-pressure other children into liking finials. When we took him to the Festival of Trees and Lights after Thanksgiving, he loved the lighted trees as we expected. But what we didn't anticipate, of course, was that the sitting area at the festival was decorated with white planter boxes that each had FOUR finials. Low-to-the-ground finials, even, which required no adult assistance. CJ walked from finial to finial for at least a half an hour, and before we left he had recruited a 12-month-old little girl to help him touch them.

We've also found that finials are a gateway to fenceposts and lampshade ornaments. If it's ornamental and we walk past it, CJ lunges. There's really no way to tell how this will end.

He's either destined for a career in architecture or souvenir spoonsmithing or it's just a phase and we'd might as well just let him get his fix of finials.

Just don't get them in the poop.