2014 Recap: Excessive Docu-Momming Edition!

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was May 2011 and I was traveling in Italy, five months pregnant with my son CJ. I thought it would be special to pick up a handmade paper book there and use it as my child's baby book. I would artistically mount photographs, I told myself, document every milestone in a beautiful calligraphic script, and treasure the book forever.

But looks like I just use Twitter to record stuff.

Last year, I posted a recap of 2013 in tweets about my child -- mostly his hilarious quotes, and it ended up being a really good way to document CJ's development. Well, it was superior by default because it's the only thing I've done. So a few weeks ago, I set out to create a similar recap for 2014. But Twitter only had my tweets back to March 16, and all attempts to request my archive have fallen on deaf ears. Turns out @Support isn't actually so at supportive.

So, I regret that I've lost two months of my son's life to the Twitter machine. But I'll pick it up with Georges Niang's bloody eye against Kansas in the Big 12 tournament, because that's really when life got good last year, anyway. No?

So here's 2014 in CJ:

March 16: @GeorgesNiang20 is now the poster child-slash-reference point for "owies" at our house. "JorgNan is feeling better," 2-yr-old CJ says.

March 16: CJ couldn't stay up last night, so we showed video this AM. "Eye-lones cut down the white part of the hoop with orange scissors." RIGHT ON.

March 18: CJ: "No, don't give me a kiss, Mommy. I'm already happy."

March 19: "Next week!" = CJ's way of saying farewell, even if it's just a 5-minute separation.

March 23: CJ this morning: "Mommy, take my picture." Me: "Okay. Smile!"

March 26: Kid always wants to wants to watch "Eyelones," so eyelones.tv always appeases. But tonight he's asking for "different Eyelones." So spoiled.

March 30: My dad was w/ my colicky niece last night. CJ: "Where's Grandpa?" Gma: "Everyone's taking a turn holding Whitney." CJ: "I don't want my turn."

April 2: CJ at 8 p.m.: “I don’t wanna wear a SleepSack.” Me: “OK, are you sure? You might get cold.” CJ at 2:30 a.m.: “PUT MY SLEEPSACK ON, MOMMY!”

April 6: CJ on his breakfast of blueberry pancakes and sausage: “I’m excited to eat pancakes, Mommy! And I’m happy to see some meat.”

April 10: Gma to CJ after he forbade her from “turning left:” “Aren’t you being a little bossy?” CJ: “No, Grandma. I’m being BIG bossy.” Fair enough.

April 16: CJ, describing his strawberry yogurt this morning: “It’s good. Just like fresh strawberries from a bowl.”

April 18: Parenting win: My 2 ½-year-old son says he wants to be like Hallie Christofferson when he grows up.

April 19: According to CJ, Ben has an NFC Championship Trophy, only in gold. It’s a plastic fantasy football trophy, but same difference.

April 19: CJ, yelling in Daddy’s backswing at the golf course: “I’M GONNA BE REAL QUIET FOR YOU, DADDY.” #golfetiquette #nailedit
 

May 2: CJ described his Easter candy as tasting “like European chocolate.”

May 4: CJ is in his crib chanting “LET’S GO STATE! LET’S GO STATE!” Guess it’s time to get up. #lovethatkid

May 4: CJ’s review of Sesame Street Live: “I liked it a little bit. It was a little bit too dark and a little bit too loud. Let’s not go to a show.”

May 7: My 2-year-old has started concluding all stories he tells with a singsong “ANY-way…”

May 7: That was my kid hollering “HERE FISHY FISHY” into the koi pond at the Ankeny Waterfront Seafood tonight. Cuz of this.

May 12: Brunch at Wakonda Club and Des Moines Symphony with my mom made for a great Mother’s Day. Also getting sprayed with a garden hose by my 2-year-old.

May 18: What color cars do you like to play with, Mommy? Me: Well, I like blue, black, and red best. CJ: Here. You have yellow and green, Mommy.

May 21: CJ on toast: “Mommy, take off the crunchy parts?” #maybemissingthepoint

May 22: After I turn out the lights at bedtime: “Mommy, I can’t see my tongue!” #toddlerproblems

June 4: Dear Nestle: If you print an upside-down rabbit on your milk bottle, an OCD 2-year-old WILL turn it over & spill the contents everywhere.

June 8: CJ at bedtime: “Mommy, I’m gonna tell you something. First, this is a point. Okay? Now I am pointing at a chair.” Okay, boss. Got it.

June 9: Listening to Alt Nation w/ CJ yesterday. Just a few bars into a song, he says: “Is this ‘Out of My League?’” Yes. Yes, it was. #altrockbaby

June 13: CJ on Father’s Day: “Is there gonna be a tree, like at Christmas?”

June 15: The other day, CJ, seemingly out of nowhere, busted out a “Light it up, up, up…I’m on FY-AHHHHH!” #fallouttoddler

June 25: Eavesdropping on the nursery monitor as CJ talks to his stuffed toy owl, post-nap: “I just picked my nose, Owl!” That’s DISGUSTING! Ahahahaha!”

July 1: Realized tonight that CJ thinks people fly ON, not in, airplanes. After I told him Daddy was flying tonight, CJ worried that he’d fall off.

July 7: CJ & Granny always tell me before I leave on Monday morning not to work too hard. Today Ceej added: “Work softly, Mommy.” #mykidlovesadverbs

July 9: CJ was just the quietest he’s been in 2+ hours – after about 10 seconds of not talking. Next thing out of his mouth? “Mommy, do you have a penis?”

July 10: CJ: “Is it July?” Me: “Yes.” CJ, 5 seconds later: “Is it July now?” “Yes.” Five seconds after that: “Is it still July?” #couldbealongmonth

July 10: CJ’s summer vocab: Pool noodle=“tool noodle” and playing tennis="playing Tennessee."

July 19: CJ, shopping for baby carrots today: “They’re babies? [pause, concerned look] Does that cucumber [next to the carrots] take care of them?”

July 23: Every time we pass the bulldozers & construction equipment razing buildings on Ingersoll, I have to reassure CJ that they won’t tear down our house.

July 23: CJ, after blasting a chip shot over the practice green tonight: “Oh, Lordy! What did I do? Jesus! JEEEE-SUS!” Too much golfing with @benbruns.

July 31: CJ saw a dead ant on the sidewalk 2 weeks ago. I’ve spent every bedtime since assuring him there’s “no dead ant” and that a “birdie ate it.”

August 21: Is there anything sweeter than your toddler telling you at the end of a trying day that you look pretty? The answer is no. There is not.

August 22: CJ: “What does that orange sign say?” Me: “It says road work.” CJ: “AHEAD. It says Road Work AHEAD, Mommy.” I have a Mini-Me on my hands.

August 23: B was just on a conference call in our house. Pretty sure there was at least one “Mommy, did you clog the toilet?” yelled in the background.

August 23: Isiserettes + music + pizza + froyo + fresh-squeezed lemonade + dunk tank + train rides + bouncy house + balloon ani-mannals=CJ loved his first Ingersoll Live!

August 25: CJ to @benbruns, after Daddy painted a spot on the kitchen ceiling: “Oh, Daddy! You did a gorgeous job with that!”

August 25: This morning CJ played a game of “trucks drink lemon beer” with some wooden pickups and cans of Leinie’s Summer Shandy from our mini fridge.

September 4: If CJ’s turning 3 tomorrow, why did I have to unbend his elbows for him at bedtime tonight?

September 17: “Mommy, sing me one song before bed.” (I start singing "Twinkle, Twinkle") “No, Mommy! A song about sanitation workers!”

October 1: The burning question that’s torturing my 3-year-old today is “Why don’t we own a dunk tank?”

October 4: Would love if 3-year-old could find happy medium between crying if I get up to pee and “Mommy, stay out of here while I’m playing trains!”

October 4: CJ on the baseball game he saw briefly on TV today: “That’s a funny way to play golf, Mommy.”

October 6: Made the mistake of saying one of my potted plants “looked sad.” CJ spent some time consoling it this weekend. He remains concerned.

October 8: I estimate that my 3-year-old asked me 120 questions, many of them starting with “why,” between 5:30-7:30 p.m. last night. Not exaggerating.

October 14: “Mommy, it looks pretty on your face.”

October 17: CJ, reading the end of “Clifford’s Animal Sounds:” What does Clifford say? Clifford says bow wow – yippy yo, yippy yay. #probablymyfault #snooppuppy

October 24: It was Halloween costume day at CJ’s school. We’re bringing back the beloved pumpkin this year.

October 29: CJ: “Abraham Lincoln!” Me: “How do you know about Abraham Lincoln?” CJ, in condescending tone: “Well, he WAS the president, Mommy.” #served

October 31: CJ enjoyed trick-or-treating last night, but also handing out candy at our house and tattling on the kids who didn’t say “thank you.” Sigh.

November 1: From roughly May-Oct., wearing flip-flops was the equivalent of Chinese water torture for CJ. Now on Nov. 1, he wants to wear them to bed.

November 2: Daddy didn’t advance in the human foosball tourney and the Packers are idle, so park it is.

November 2: CJ on the stripes on his track suit: “I look like I play for the Drake Bulldogs today.”

November 4: CJ’s favorite toy currently is a talking Taco Bell Chihuahua with a Y2K party hat that says “Happy New Year, Amigos.” #longstory

November 5: Thanks to @benbruns, CJ is roaming around the house singing “Pinball wizard, it has to be a trick…something, something, something…”

November 5: More “Pinball Wizard” from CJ this evening: “How do you think he does it? What makes him so good? CARROTS!”

November 5: Sitting at the dining room table sharing a yellow cake I made with my 3-year-old, he asked me if I like myself. #freetherapy

November 6: Since Ben was traveling, I let CJ be in charge of dinner last night. He served Annie’s boxed mac & cheese, corn, cuties, & boxed mix cake.

November 8: A street sweeper is on our corner picking up leaves and putting them in a dump truck. #greatestthingthathaseverhappened

November 8: CJ: “I don’t wanna wear jammies. I’ll just wear my skin.”

November 12: “Edward is chuffing happily into the tomatoes.”

November 14: “Why are you wearing Cyclones, Mommy?” Me: “We’re playing Oakland tonight.” Cue CJ running around the house chanting “BEAT THE RAIDERS.”

November 15: K, you try not to laugh when a 3-year-old in dino PJs & a pumpkin costume beret gets in your face and growls “I don’t like Rutherford B. Hayes.”

November 16: My 3-year-old on courtside seats: “Why do we have to sit ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE?!” #firstworldtoddlerproblems

November 17: CJ, on the baby whose picture is on the back of the package of baby wipes: “I don’t know him, but I don’t like that guy.”

November 19: Today CJ is starting every sentence with “I’m from Tidmouth Sheds.” As in, “I’m from Tidmouth Sheds, and I’ll finish my burger after my nap.”

November 23: Went to my awesome women’s book group tonight. CJ informed me there would be guys’ book club at home. They discussed “Rainforest Colors.”

November 25: If my 3-year-old is picking his boogers and eating them during a youth symphony performance, should I just be happy that he’s being quiet?

December 3: Ask a toddler to smile, and this is what you get. Every. Time.

December 4: “Mommy, what kind of a name for a song is ‘Spaghetti to Look a Lot Like Christmas?’”

December 7: My 3-year-old’s current obsession: the photocopier. Evidence all over his bedroom.

December 13: Listening to my 3-year-old try to sing “Say Geronimo” is maybe one of the cutest things ever.

December 15: The Dr. Suess book “Wacky Wednesday” sends my toddler into convulsions of laughter.

December 24: CJ on the smattering of snow we woke up to: “But we can still make a snow fort…”

December 29: CJ’s room, currently. The kid is in to puzzles.

December 31: My 3-year-old noticed Jameel McKay’s red and green shoes and speculated that he got them from Santa.

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ADDENDUM! Here are the tweets from Jan. 1- March 15, thanks to "AllMyTweets.net" and my friend Adam who told me about it.

January 4: CJ, talking to himself at dinner tonight: "Look at you, CJ! That's a hard job, peeling a Cutie.

January 5: CJ's wakeup babbling/imaginary play this morning, per monitor: "Go away, turtle! Don't bite Mommy!" Thanks for looking out for me, Buddy.

January 8: Got a back scratcher in our family's white elephant exchange this year. CJ is a big fan now of the "scratch backer."

January 15: That awkward moment when you realize you've accidentally done something helpful & caring for your fiercely independent 2-year-old & there's gonna be hell to pay

January 30: 2-yr-old made me play Capital Cities' "Center Stage" 5x in a row last night. Told me to "have a good time" in different rooms of the house. 

February 1: CJ just asked me why he didn't get to see Grandpa today. I told him Papa had to go to Waterloo. Pause. "Yeah," he nodded. "Water IS loose." 

February 6: At least one member of our family still has Broncos Fever. Two-year-old CJ woke up today chanting "Omaha, Omaha." 

February 8: Please someone offer to give me a dollar every time I say, "Please sit down in your car seat. Sit down. Sit. Sit down in your car seat NOW."

February 8: CJ just cheered on ISU during an instant replay and then, after Ejim sank the jumper, turned to me and said "I called it!" #thisismykid 

February 11: Explained to CJ how the Cyclones didn't win. "It's OK," he said. "Keep trying. Keep shooting." If Fred needs a motivational guest speaker...

February 12: Was listening to Jim James' A-E-I-O-U in the car. Pretty soon here comes a croon from the backseat: "And Bingo was his name-o. 

February 16: My 2-year-old told me my hair looks cute today. Feb 16, 2014

February 17: Nursery monitor this morning: Hey, Kate! KATE! KATE! HEY, KATE! Hey! Hey! Kaaaaaate! 

February 20: Soon as you finish food on your dinner plate, CJ scoops you some more. My 2-year-old son is an Italian grandmother. #youreskinandbones

February 20: Parent tip: Said goddammit in front of your 2-yr-old? You CAN convince him you actually said "got damaged." Not that I know from experience. 

February 25: CJ's & Ben's last 2 nights' evening activity has been watching Golf Channel while building a LEGO fire station. @benbruns is in Dad Heaven. 

March 2: Now that my husband's an uncle and my brother's a daddy, not sure to whom CJ is referring when he says "Uncle Daddy." But it's quite cute. 

March 5: My 2-year-old son and cyclones.tv devotee on Paul Rhoads: "That man makes loud noises, Mommy!" #Cyclones

March 6: My 2-year-old LOVES @FitzAndTantrums. Every time we get in the car he says, "Want Break Da Walls!" then is thrilled for "Walker Song" after 

March 7: Not sure there's anything left for me to teach my kid now that he can engage in a Hello, Newman/Hello, Jerry exchange w/ proper inflection.

March 8: CJ, counting backward with the book "Five Little Ladybugs:" 5, 4, 3, 2, Lowercase L. He's not sure what's a letter & what's a number yet. 

March 9: Reedy-raider=how CJ says the word "radiator."

March 15: My 2-year-old and I are stress eating a cheesecake like The Golden Girls. #Cyclones

March 15: Things I let my kid do tonight so I could watch #ISUvsKU: eat a napkin, play w/ my phone charger, consume copious amounts of M&Ms #parenting

Blueberry-Lemon Layer Cake

Last weekend I celebrated my 36th birthday. Which was great and all, but I will also admit that at this point in my life the main highlight of having a birthday is trying new cake recipes. And when you're looking for new cake recipes, there is no need to look any farther than the blog Sally's Baking Addiction, which has never let me down.

What didn't let me down last week was the recipe for Blueberry-Lemon Layer Cake, which was sheer, delicious perfection. It was pretty simple to make and got rave reviews from all who sampled it. Make sure you find the heaviest, juiciest lemons to maximize your "three lemons' worth of zest and juice" flavor punch, and be sure you garnish or decorate with fresh blueberries. Here's how to make:

BLUEBERRY-LEMON LAYER CAKE

For the cake:
1 c. unsalted butter, softened to room temp
1 1/4 c. granulated sugar
1/2 c. golden brown sugar
4 large eggs, room temp
1 T. vanilla extract
3 c. all-purpose flour
1 T. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1 c. buttermilk
Zest & juice of 3 medium lemons
1 1/2 c. fresh blueberries
1 T. all-purpose flour

For the cream cheese frosting:
8 oz. full-fat cream cheese, softened to room temp
1/2 c. unsalted butter, softened to room temp
3 1/2 c. confectioners' sugar
1-2 T. heavy cream or milk
1 tsp. vanilla extract
pinch salt

Preheat oven to 350. Spray three 9-inch round cake pans with nonstick spray and set aside.

Beat butter on high until creamy, about 1 min. Add granulated and brown sugars and beat on medium-high until creamed, about 2-3 mins. Scrape bowl as needed. Add eggs and vanilla. Beat on medium speed until combined, about 2 mins. Scrape bowl as needed. Set aside.

In a large bowl, stir together the flour, baking powder, and salt. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients. Beat on low speed for 5 secs., then add the buttermilk, lemon zest, and lemon juice. Remove mixer and stir lightly until just combined. Toss the blueberries in 1 T. flour and fold into the batter. Do not overmix.

Spoon batter evenly into prepared cake pans. Bake for about 21-26 mins. or ntil a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. (Mine took 23 mins.) Remove from the oven and allow to cool completely before frosting.

To make the frosting, beat cream cheese and butter on medium speed until smooth and creamy, about 3 mins. Add sugar, 1 T. cream/milk, vanilla extract, and salt while mixer remains on low. Increase to high speed and beat about 3 mins. Add 1 more T. cream/milk to thin out, if desired.

Stack cake layers and frost between and on top and sides. Frosting recipe makes just enough to do a light coat. Garnish with fresh blueberries. Refrigerate at least 45 mins. before cutting, and store in the refrigerator up to 3 days.

How parenthood and the Internet made me love science for the first time

I never particularly loved school (aside from the extracurricular activities, of course), but I was always a pretty good student. English and math were always right up my alley, and I even passed "hacky sack" in P.E. ca. 1994. But science and me? We've never been such great friends, I have to say. Admitting and embracing my intellectual limitations and right-brain-dominance, I have always been more than willing to blindly accept the fact that things like electricity just work, rather than having someone explain to me exactly how they work. (I kind of glaze over, to be honest. You should feel sorry for my poor engineer husband.) I appreciate that my attitude is pretty selfish and anti-intellectual. I will own that. I just wish that it made me the worst kind of unscientific person. But I'm not even close.

You see, I think I always took it for granted that most non-science-y people were inclined, like I am, to trust science-y people on issues of, well, science. But the modern prevalence of online communications has given us all a terrifying glimpse into how our fellow humans' brains actually work, and it's pretty ugly. Like, "I dislike facts" ugly. I may have gotten a C in high school chemistry, but I have always been a fan of facts and accepted them for what they are.

It was actually the simplest, dumbest thing in the world that sent me over the edge last week. Someone innocently posted a funny image on Facebook, a commenter linked to Snopes to show that the image is a hoax, and the original poster responded with an appropriate, "Oh, shoot. I'm sorry!" No problem. This kinda stuff happens all the time. The truth was documented, and we're all the wiser. End of the conversation, right? Wrong.

It's what happens next that always gets me. The fact-haters start speaking up in the comments:

Oh, come on -- it's funny! Seeing the humor makes life more pleasant.

I'm just going to go ahead and choose to believe this is true because it's so hilarious.

Why are you ruining the fun by pointing out that it's fake?

It's as though people now take it as a personal insult when others point out evidence, facts, or any of those other silly things that I used to think were universally valued. And the false-equivalency attitude that fact-free opinions deserve the same respect and attention as actual, factual evidence might be the thing that most makes me want to pull my lower lip over my skull and cry in a corner in the fetal position. Like when Bill Nye the Science Guy has to debate the creation museum dude. Or like when I was told in an online discussion group recently that I would have to "agree to disagree" with a woman who'd just implied that vaccines cause autism. Whatever happened to the notion of "You're entitled to your own opinion, but not your own facts?" That's apparently "out" now. We're living in the age in which people aren't held back by their own lack of knowledge.

Hey, I admit that I have made a conscious choice to be part of the online parenting community and that there are inherent risks in doing this. A lot of them, actually. I've privately lost my mind more than a few times dealing with discourteous people who think the world revolves around their children and activists who for some reason think it's a heroic cause to insert their noses into the issue of how other people feed their babies. Bottom line: There are certainly a lot of people out there raising their kids without facts. And while it makes me sad, I try not to make it my business. Until it is.

I am absolutely, 100% entitled to be angry with people who live in my community, don't vaccinate their children, spread their B.S. around, and then send their kids into public spaces with my kid, putting him and others at risk. I am absolutely, 100% entitled to be angry with Alicia Silverstone for using her celebrity status to write a book telling depressed new mothers that they wouldn't feel like committing suicide if they'd just eaten more vegetables.

These fact-free evangelists are actually killing people. And for what?

I guess that's why now, approximately three years into my adventure in the online parenting world, I have seen enough, am officially angry, and have taken it upon myself to learn more about scientific research methods, even if I am still not 100% sure how my blow dryer works. Because now that any person can be an amateur scientist or any celebrity mother can write a medical book, apparently, we all have to be armed with facts. Real, meaty, lovely facts. And we can't be afraid to share them with people.

Why, no. Having your pregnancy induced does not increase your chance of C-section.
Why, no. Breastfeeding your baby won't actually make his IQ higher.
Why, no. Herd immunity isn't a myth.
Why, no. Guns DO kill children.

For many years, it was considered bad practice for doctors to participate in social media. But staying away from the discussion may have been the worst practice of all. Today, when you search for parenting information online, most of it is bad information. If you need someone to tell you breastmilk cures cancer or how to sue the government because your child definitely developed autism from a vaccine, you can find him or her. What's really missing from the online discussion are the voices of evidence-based medicine. I'm glad more and more medical professionals are starting to insert themselves into the discussion -- including our own pediatrician, who recently started a blog to distribute accurate information for parents. The more we get, the more likely we'll be to heed it and ignore the crazy stuff.

Then maybe next time a father "googles vaccines" he won't get information that scares him out of a tetanus shot -- making a decision that nearly kills his son. In the battle between facts and the Internet, the Internet is winning in a big, scary way. But me? I'm cheering for science to become cool again.

Pink paradise

For many years, our family has celebrated the birth of one boy after another. So we may all be going a little nuts now that my brother and sister-in-law are expecting a baby OMIGOSH GIRL. It was fun this weekend to throw a baby shower for Michelle and pretty much put pink things everywhere.

Fluffy decorations from Nobbies

Served Ivy's Tea Room Chicken Salad with La Mie croissants

North Face pink and purple coat from Marge purchased at Active Endeavors

Orange/raspberry cupcakes. See recipe below.

Dessert was something pink, too. This cupcake is well-received every time I make it, and it's really easy to do. I used to be very anti when it came to making cakes or pancakes from mixes, but over the years I've learned that sometimes the stuff in the box is just right and that you're wasting your time doing it from scratch for the same general result. This recipe uses Betty Crocker white cake mix as its base, and it works really well. I love the combination of orange and raspberry, so this is a great choice in my book.

ORANGE-RASPBERRY CUPCAKES

1 box white cake mix
vegetable oil and egg whites, as directed on package
1 1/3 c. pulp-free bottled orange juice
1 large orange, zested
1/2 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
1/3 c. heavy cream (I like Sheeder Cloverleaf Farms)
1 lb. powdered sugar
1/4 c. raspberry jam (I used the Overholts' Amish raspberry spread from Kalona, Iowa)
1 container fresh raspberries for garnish (or themed picks, if the occasion permits!)

Bake cake according to package directions, substituting orange juice for water and adding orange zest.

For frosting, combine butter, heavy cream, powdered sugar, and raspberry jam with a hand mixer. Add water to thin as necessary.

Frost cooled cupcakes and garnish with a fresh raspberry or decorative pick.

By all accounts, Baby Girl likes these cupcakes. So, hey: Don't argue with my niece's taste. (I do so love saying the phrase MY NIECE, by the way.) Congratulations, Michelle and David!

2013 Recap: Excessive Docu-Momming Edition!

Ever since my son started talking, my Twitter feed has sort of degenerated into a lazy mom's baby book, rife with excessive docu-momming of all the ridonculously adorable and/or ridiculous things my son, CJ, says on a daily basis. But it's also proven to be rather valuable as a log that allows me to browse through the highlights of the past year. Because when you have a toddler, let's face it: Laughing at all the awesome things he says is pretty much the best (and/or only) thing you do.

So here's a brief recap of 2013 CJ tweets. Because that kid cracks me the heck up.

Jan 9: Bossy toddler's new favorite activity is ordering me to vacuum. At least for a few weeks, we'll have the cleanest floors in Polk County.

Feb 13: Just like anything involving a phone is a "hi," anything involving climbing/stairs is a "down." Still getting acquainted w/ CJ's vernacular.

March 9: Me, after CJ climbed into my lap this evening: "Are you ready to go night-night?" CJ, looking at his dad: "Bye!" I took that as a yes.

April 16: After I had Siri show us pics of Elmo on Ben's iPhone, CJ started picking up the phone & yelling into it "Elmo Elmo Elmo." Cutest thing ever.

May 8: I had to pretend a diaper was eating a banana. #reasonsiamlateforwork

May 12: CJ ate a ham sandwich for 90 straight minutes today. He never put it down -- not through a diaper change nor helping me do laundry.

June 23: CJ now appreciates scatological humor. Spent a good half hour this evening busting a gut while I exclaimed, "Poopies!" Yes, I encouraged it.

July 3: When the director of your son's child care center sends you an email w/ the subject line "Dancing Fool," YOU OPEN IT IMMEDIATELY.

Aug 26: CJ's new favorite game is "Big Stumble," which is basically an intentional faceplant.

Aug 28: Turned CJ's car seat forward. Now I don't turn right on red because he cries if he doesn't get to see the light turn green.

Sept 3: CJ, after his family gathered around him and sang two verses of "Happy Birthday" to him and he blew out his "2" cake candle: "Do it again!"

Sept 10: Tonight I told CJ he was going to go with me to vote. He thought I said "boat." Needless to say, his disappointment was palpable.

Oct 5: I ran out of pennies for CJ to throw in the Valley West Mall fountain, so he pawed through my wallet & suggested we throw in my debit card.

Oct 7: Nothing has ever been or ever will be cuter than the way my 2-year-old says the word "cookie:" Toot-key.

Oct 9: CJ has a stuffed Ernie doll that says "I've got the sniffles." Or, as CJ says it, "I've got the nipples."

Oct. 12: CJ's up & trying to sing the alphabet song in his crib. "A, B, C, D, E, F...aw, shucks...H...Q...Q" I'm dying laughing here.

Oct. 25: My 2-year-old as we drove by Panda Express: "Panda!" I smiled and said "You like their food, don't you?" He corrected me: "I loooovvvve it!"

Nov 3: When you go outside to mow the driveway, always insist on wearing your full Halloween costume. (See photo above.)

Nov. 10: Left @CycloneWBB game with 8 minutes left per 2-year-old's request. He said bye to everyone & told them to "enjoy the game." CJ Bruns 2048.

Nov 19: Just when you think kiddo is getting so smart, you spend 20 mins. trying to explain to him why a picture of a plate of cookies isn't edible.

Nov 26: Explained to CJ that Daddy was coming from Cedar Rapids tonight. When Daddy got home, CJ said, "Daddy all done rabbit store!"

Dec 4: Reason #468 why CJ didn't get to bed on time: He was putting lotion on his matchbox jeep.

Dec 8: Got our Christmas tree yesterday. CJ likes to sit on the floor next to the tree and watch it drink water. He gets very excited about this.

Dec 18: CJ, tipping back the Tropicana bottle and trying to get the OJ out that's sitting in the bottom: "This isn't working out."

Dec 19: CJ, counting a large quantity of items: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 4...4....4....4....4...."

Dec 22: The other day, as we were walking out of the house, CJ, 2, told me would just stay home alone & order pizza.

Looks like 2014 will be the year of the 2-year-old teenager for us. And yeah, I probably won't stop tweeting about it. You've been warned.

Worst of the Internet: Public Humilitation Edition

When I first saw the viral video of the father shooting a gun through his daughter's  laptop computer to punish her for writing negative things about him on social media, I was disheartened. Many thought it was wonderful, funny, and clever. Go, Dad! That'll show her! Oh, cool -- a gun! And then there was me: the one who felt uncomfortable watching a grown man to sink to a teen's level of bad behavior. Then this summer we saw the mom who sold her daughter's One Direction tickets online as punishment for making "prank calls like a trollop." Again, this mother was widely praised for this immature gesture. All I saw was slut-shaming, questionable disciplinary tactics, public humiliation, and just downright horrible parenting.

Yes, thanks to smartphone cameras and social media, these people who choose to take the low road in life have an easy way to make it bumpier for their "loved ones." The innernets have made the concept of privacy invasion seemingly foreign. Many of us spend a lot of time worrying about the government spying on us and aren't even giving a moment's thought to the fact that the people we are supposed to trust most and who are supposed to love and support us through good times and bad are the ones with the most access to invade our privacy, to publicly humiliate us, and to create a permanent record of our worst moments for the world to mock.

Last month I saw yet another video, put out there as humor, designed to humiliate a child. In it, a father "lip syncs" the "temper tantrum" of his off-camera 6-year-old daughter while his sons laugh along. Yes, I know that the tantrums of a 6-year-old girl can be overly dramatic and devoid of logic and that plenty of 6-year-olds frequently exhibit such behavior in an attempt to manipulate or attention-grab. It's a fairly normal part of development, yes, and I understand that many of these displays of emotion don't need to be taken very seriously or even acknowledged.

But this video goes a step further -- it's not just dismissing the girl's emotions. It's mocking her and publicly shaming her. The fact that all of her tormentors are male makes it doubly uncomfortable for me to watch. The person who posted this video on YouTube included the light-hearted but all-too-telling-about-society comment "They should play this at her wedding!" Because in this day and age, any bad behavior you exhibit even as a young child will be documented and follow you forever.

Pretty damned scary, if you asked me.

It wasn't long after this video was posted that I became aware of America's healthy marriage poster children, Whitney and James Mongiat of Tennessee, who became famous after James videotaped his 30-year-old bride having a "temper tantrum" over their difference of opinion about Saturday afternoon plans and posted it on YouTube. Whether Whitney's reaction was authentically obnoxious or, as she claimed, provoked, isn't really the issue. The issue is that it's not any of our business. The issue is how a husband could be so awful and disrespectful as to videotape the wife he is supposed to honor and cherish at her worst private moment and then actively work to make her the laughingstock of the Internet. Even if your marriage is in horrible shambles and headed for divorce, this is not a respectful thing to do to any person.

No one among us is so high and mighty that he hasn't laughed at others. I certainly have. But we are also all flawed people who have had bad moments in our lives -- moments that, in the past, caused us plenty of private shame. Moments that are now apparently fodder for public humiliation on the Internet.

I share these examples not to draw more attention to them but to suggest that perhaps we all, as parents, spouses, friends, and world citizens, owe our loved ones a little more respect and understanding than this. They shouldn't be taken advantage of so that we can get a few laughs or re-tweets. It's a line we really shouldn't be crossing but that, because we're a society that doesn't know how to stop itself, we do.

The world is watching, but it doesn't always have to be. Let's think before we hit "record" next time.