2014 Recap: Excessive Docu-Momming Edition!

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was May 2011 and I was traveling in Italy, five months pregnant with my son CJ. I thought it would be special to pick up a handmade paper book there and use it as my child's baby book. I would artistically mount photographs, I told myself, document every milestone in a beautiful calligraphic script, and treasure the book forever.

But looks like I just use Twitter to record stuff.

Last year, I posted a recap of 2013 in tweets about my child -- mostly his hilarious quotes, and it ended up being a really good way to document CJ's development. Well, it was superior by default because it's the only thing I've done. So a few weeks ago, I set out to create a similar recap for 2014. But Twitter only had my tweets back to March 16, and all attempts to request my archive have fallen on deaf ears. Turns out @Support isn't actually so at supportive.

So, I regret that I've lost two months of my son's life to the Twitter machine. But I'll pick it up with Georges Niang's bloody eye against Kansas in the Big 12 tournament, because that's really when life got good last year, anyway. No?

So here's 2014 in CJ:

March 16: @GeorgesNiang20 is now the poster child-slash-reference point for "owies" at our house. "JorgNan is feeling better," 2-yr-old CJ says.

March 16: CJ couldn't stay up last night, so we showed video this AM. "Eye-lones cut down the white part of the hoop with orange scissors." RIGHT ON.

March 18: CJ: "No, don't give me a kiss, Mommy. I'm already happy."

March 19: "Next week!" = CJ's way of saying farewell, even if it's just a 5-minute separation.

March 23: CJ this morning: "Mommy, take my picture." Me: "Okay. Smile!"

March 26: Kid always wants to wants to watch "Eyelones," so eyelones.tv always appeases. But tonight he's asking for "different Eyelones." So spoiled.

March 30: My dad was w/ my colicky niece last night. CJ: "Where's Grandpa?" Gma: "Everyone's taking a turn holding Whitney." CJ: "I don't want my turn."

April 2: CJ at 8 p.m.: “I don’t wanna wear a SleepSack.” Me: “OK, are you sure? You might get cold.” CJ at 2:30 a.m.: “PUT MY SLEEPSACK ON, MOMMY!”

April 6: CJ on his breakfast of blueberry pancakes and sausage: “I’m excited to eat pancakes, Mommy! And I’m happy to see some meat.”

April 10: Gma to CJ after he forbade her from “turning left:” “Aren’t you being a little bossy?” CJ: “No, Grandma. I’m being BIG bossy.” Fair enough.

April 16: CJ, describing his strawberry yogurt this morning: “It’s good. Just like fresh strawberries from a bowl.”

April 18: Parenting win: My 2 ½-year-old son says he wants to be like Hallie Christofferson when he grows up.

April 19: According to CJ, Ben has an NFC Championship Trophy, only in gold. It’s a plastic fantasy football trophy, but same difference.

April 19: CJ, yelling in Daddy’s backswing at the golf course: “I’M GONNA BE REAL QUIET FOR YOU, DADDY.” #golfetiquette #nailedit
 

May 2: CJ described his Easter candy as tasting “like European chocolate.”

May 4: CJ is in his crib chanting “LET’S GO STATE! LET’S GO STATE!” Guess it’s time to get up. #lovethatkid

May 4: CJ’s review of Sesame Street Live: “I liked it a little bit. It was a little bit too dark and a little bit too loud. Let’s not go to a show.”

May 7: My 2-year-old has started concluding all stories he tells with a singsong “ANY-way…”

May 7: That was my kid hollering “HERE FISHY FISHY” into the koi pond at the Ankeny Waterfront Seafood tonight. Cuz of this.

May 12: Brunch at Wakonda Club and Des Moines Symphony with my mom made for a great Mother’s Day. Also getting sprayed with a garden hose by my 2-year-old.

May 18: What color cars do you like to play with, Mommy? Me: Well, I like blue, black, and red best. CJ: Here. You have yellow and green, Mommy.

May 21: CJ on toast: “Mommy, take off the crunchy parts?” #maybemissingthepoint

May 22: After I turn out the lights at bedtime: “Mommy, I can’t see my tongue!” #toddlerproblems

June 4: Dear Nestle: If you print an upside-down rabbit on your milk bottle, an OCD 2-year-old WILL turn it over & spill the contents everywhere.

June 8: CJ at bedtime: “Mommy, I’m gonna tell you something. First, this is a point. Okay? Now I am pointing at a chair.” Okay, boss. Got it.

June 9: Listening to Alt Nation w/ CJ yesterday. Just a few bars into a song, he says: “Is this ‘Out of My League?’” Yes. Yes, it was. #altrockbaby

June 13: CJ on Father’s Day: “Is there gonna be a tree, like at Christmas?”

June 15: The other day, CJ, seemingly out of nowhere, busted out a “Light it up, up, up…I’m on FY-AHHHHH!” #fallouttoddler

June 25: Eavesdropping on the nursery monitor as CJ talks to his stuffed toy owl, post-nap: “I just picked my nose, Owl!” That’s DISGUSTING! Ahahahaha!”

July 1: Realized tonight that CJ thinks people fly ON, not in, airplanes. After I told him Daddy was flying tonight, CJ worried that he’d fall off.

July 7: CJ & Granny always tell me before I leave on Monday morning not to work too hard. Today Ceej added: “Work softly, Mommy.” #mykidlovesadverbs

July 9: CJ was just the quietest he’s been in 2+ hours – after about 10 seconds of not talking. Next thing out of his mouth? “Mommy, do you have a penis?”

July 10: CJ: “Is it July?” Me: “Yes.” CJ, 5 seconds later: “Is it July now?” “Yes.” Five seconds after that: “Is it still July?” #couldbealongmonth

July 10: CJ’s summer vocab: Pool noodle=“tool noodle” and playing tennis="playing Tennessee."

July 19: CJ, shopping for baby carrots today: “They’re babies? [pause, concerned look] Does that cucumber [next to the carrots] take care of them?”

July 23: Every time we pass the bulldozers & construction equipment razing buildings on Ingersoll, I have to reassure CJ that they won’t tear down our house.

July 23: CJ, after blasting a chip shot over the practice green tonight: “Oh, Lordy! What did I do? Jesus! JEEEE-SUS!” Too much golfing with @benbruns.

July 31: CJ saw a dead ant on the sidewalk 2 weeks ago. I’ve spent every bedtime since assuring him there’s “no dead ant” and that a “birdie ate it.”

August 21: Is there anything sweeter than your toddler telling you at the end of a trying day that you look pretty? The answer is no. There is not.

August 22: CJ: “What does that orange sign say?” Me: “It says road work.” CJ: “AHEAD. It says Road Work AHEAD, Mommy.” I have a Mini-Me on my hands.

August 23: B was just on a conference call in our house. Pretty sure there was at least one “Mommy, did you clog the toilet?” yelled in the background.

August 23: Isiserettes + music + pizza + froyo + fresh-squeezed lemonade + dunk tank + train rides + bouncy house + balloon ani-mannals=CJ loved his first Ingersoll Live!

August 25: CJ to @benbruns, after Daddy painted a spot on the kitchen ceiling: “Oh, Daddy! You did a gorgeous job with that!”

August 25: This morning CJ played a game of “trucks drink lemon beer” with some wooden pickups and cans of Leinie’s Summer Shandy from our mini fridge.

September 4: If CJ’s turning 3 tomorrow, why did I have to unbend his elbows for him at bedtime tonight?

September 17: “Mommy, sing me one song before bed.” (I start singing "Twinkle, Twinkle") “No, Mommy! A song about sanitation workers!”

October 1: The burning question that’s torturing my 3-year-old today is “Why don’t we own a dunk tank?”

October 4: Would love if 3-year-old could find happy medium between crying if I get up to pee and “Mommy, stay out of here while I’m playing trains!”

October 4: CJ on the baseball game he saw briefly on TV today: “That’s a funny way to play golf, Mommy.”

October 6: Made the mistake of saying one of my potted plants “looked sad.” CJ spent some time consoling it this weekend. He remains concerned.

October 8: I estimate that my 3-year-old asked me 120 questions, many of them starting with “why,” between 5:30-7:30 p.m. last night. Not exaggerating.

October 14: “Mommy, it looks pretty on your face.”

October 17: CJ, reading the end of “Clifford’s Animal Sounds:” What does Clifford say? Clifford says bow wow – yippy yo, yippy yay. #probablymyfault #snooppuppy

October 24: It was Halloween costume day at CJ’s school. We’re bringing back the beloved pumpkin this year.

October 29: CJ: “Abraham Lincoln!” Me: “How do you know about Abraham Lincoln?” CJ, in condescending tone: “Well, he WAS the president, Mommy.” #served

October 31: CJ enjoyed trick-or-treating last night, but also handing out candy at our house and tattling on the kids who didn’t say “thank you.” Sigh.

November 1: From roughly May-Oct., wearing flip-flops was the equivalent of Chinese water torture for CJ. Now on Nov. 1, he wants to wear them to bed.

November 2: Daddy didn’t advance in the human foosball tourney and the Packers are idle, so park it is.

November 2: CJ on the stripes on his track suit: “I look like I play for the Drake Bulldogs today.”

November 4: CJ’s favorite toy currently is a talking Taco Bell Chihuahua with a Y2K party hat that says “Happy New Year, Amigos.” #longstory

November 5: Thanks to @benbruns, CJ is roaming around the house singing “Pinball wizard, it has to be a trick…something, something, something…”

November 5: More “Pinball Wizard” from CJ this evening: “How do you think he does it? What makes him so good? CARROTS!”

November 5: Sitting at the dining room table sharing a yellow cake I made with my 3-year-old, he asked me if I like myself. #freetherapy

November 6: Since Ben was traveling, I let CJ be in charge of dinner last night. He served Annie’s boxed mac & cheese, corn, cuties, & boxed mix cake.

November 8: A street sweeper is on our corner picking up leaves and putting them in a dump truck. #greatestthingthathaseverhappened

November 8: CJ: “I don’t wanna wear jammies. I’ll just wear my skin.”

November 12: “Edward is chuffing happily into the tomatoes.”

November 14: “Why are you wearing Cyclones, Mommy?” Me: “We’re playing Oakland tonight.” Cue CJ running around the house chanting “BEAT THE RAIDERS.”

November 15: K, you try not to laugh when a 3-year-old in dino PJs & a pumpkin costume beret gets in your face and growls “I don’t like Rutherford B. Hayes.”

November 16: My 3-year-old on courtside seats: “Why do we have to sit ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE?!” #firstworldtoddlerproblems

November 17: CJ, on the baby whose picture is on the back of the package of baby wipes: “I don’t know him, but I don’t like that guy.”

November 19: Today CJ is starting every sentence with “I’m from Tidmouth Sheds.” As in, “I’m from Tidmouth Sheds, and I’ll finish my burger after my nap.”

November 23: Went to my awesome women’s book group tonight. CJ informed me there would be guys’ book club at home. They discussed “Rainforest Colors.”

November 25: If my 3-year-old is picking his boogers and eating them during a youth symphony performance, should I just be happy that he’s being quiet?

December 3: Ask a toddler to smile, and this is what you get. Every. Time.

December 4: “Mommy, what kind of a name for a song is ‘Spaghetti to Look a Lot Like Christmas?’”

December 7: My 3-year-old’s current obsession: the photocopier. Evidence all over his bedroom.

December 13: Listening to my 3-year-old try to sing “Say Geronimo” is maybe one of the cutest things ever.

December 15: The Dr. Suess book “Wacky Wednesday” sends my toddler into convulsions of laughter.

December 24: CJ on the smattering of snow we woke up to: “But we can still make a snow fort…”

December 29: CJ’s room, currently. The kid is in to puzzles.

December 31: My 3-year-old noticed Jameel McKay’s red and green shoes and speculated that he got them from Santa.

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ADDENDUM! Here are the tweets from Jan. 1- March 15, thanks to "AllMyTweets.net" and my friend Adam who told me about it.

January 4: CJ, talking to himself at dinner tonight: "Look at you, CJ! That's a hard job, peeling a Cutie.

January 5: CJ's wakeup babbling/imaginary play this morning, per monitor: "Go away, turtle! Don't bite Mommy!" Thanks for looking out for me, Buddy.

January 8: Got a back scratcher in our family's white elephant exchange this year. CJ is a big fan now of the "scratch backer."

January 15: That awkward moment when you realize you've accidentally done something helpful & caring for your fiercely independent 2-year-old & there's gonna be hell to pay

January 30: 2-yr-old made me play Capital Cities' "Center Stage" 5x in a row last night. Told me to "have a good time" in different rooms of the house. 

February 1: CJ just asked me why he didn't get to see Grandpa today. I told him Papa had to go to Waterloo. Pause. "Yeah," he nodded. "Water IS loose." 

February 6: At least one member of our family still has Broncos Fever. Two-year-old CJ woke up today chanting "Omaha, Omaha." 

February 8: Please someone offer to give me a dollar every time I say, "Please sit down in your car seat. Sit down. Sit. Sit down in your car seat NOW."

February 8: CJ just cheered on ISU during an instant replay and then, after Ejim sank the jumper, turned to me and said "I called it!" #thisismykid 

February 11: Explained to CJ how the Cyclones didn't win. "It's OK," he said. "Keep trying. Keep shooting." If Fred needs a motivational guest speaker...

February 12: Was listening to Jim James' A-E-I-O-U in the car. Pretty soon here comes a croon from the backseat: "And Bingo was his name-o. 

February 16: My 2-year-old told me my hair looks cute today. Feb 16, 2014

February 17: Nursery monitor this morning: Hey, Kate! KATE! KATE! HEY, KATE! Hey! Hey! Kaaaaaate! 

February 20: Soon as you finish food on your dinner plate, CJ scoops you some more. My 2-year-old son is an Italian grandmother. #youreskinandbones

February 20: Parent tip: Said goddammit in front of your 2-yr-old? You CAN convince him you actually said "got damaged." Not that I know from experience. 

February 25: CJ's & Ben's last 2 nights' evening activity has been watching Golf Channel while building a LEGO fire station. @benbruns is in Dad Heaven. 

March 2: Now that my husband's an uncle and my brother's a daddy, not sure to whom CJ is referring when he says "Uncle Daddy." But it's quite cute. 

March 5: My 2-year-old son and cyclones.tv devotee on Paul Rhoads: "That man makes loud noises, Mommy!" #Cyclones

March 6: My 2-year-old LOVES @FitzAndTantrums. Every time we get in the car he says, "Want Break Da Walls!" then is thrilled for "Walker Song" after 

March 7: Not sure there's anything left for me to teach my kid now that he can engage in a Hello, Newman/Hello, Jerry exchange w/ proper inflection.

March 8: CJ, counting backward with the book "Five Little Ladybugs:" 5, 4, 3, 2, Lowercase L. He's not sure what's a letter & what's a number yet. 

March 9: Reedy-raider=how CJ says the word "radiator."

March 15: My 2-year-old and I are stress eating a cheesecake like The Golden Girls. #Cyclones

March 15: Things I let my kid do tonight so I could watch #ISUvsKU: eat a napkin, play w/ my phone charger, consume copious amounts of M&Ms #parenting