I can read my diary from 8th grade, which I found in a box this weekend, and be endlessly amused by the points it proves. Some examples.
Proof that middle school girls are pretty much all the same:
January 12, 1992
"I love (insert name of boy who is probably now a mass murderer). I love (insert name of boy who is probably now a mass murderer). I love (insert name of boy who is probably now a mass murderer). I love (insert name of boy who is probably now a mass murderer). I love (insert name of boy who is probably now a mass murderer). I love (insert name of boy who is probably now a mass murderer). I love (insert name of boy who is probably now a mass murderer). I love (insert name of boy who is probably now a mass murderer). I love (insert name of boy who is probably now a mass murderer)."
Note: This goes on for a whole page.
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March 13, 1992
"I can't believe my boyfriend who is a moron was mad just because I danced with this other boy four times and not him."
Yeah, that's a shocker. How unreasonable of him. Also: It's clear I felt very connected with this boy whom I referred to as "boyfriend who is a moron."
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July 5, 1992
"I am so sick of how (insert name of perfectly nice boy who is probably now a CEO) 'The Dweeb' loves and worships me. And I had to dance with him at the 8th grade party! Yuck! I think he might be starting to get the idea that I think he's a dork. At least I hope."
The directness of 8th graders in resolving conflict, as well as their relationship skills, is awe-inspiring.
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March 8, 1992
"Okay, this is serious. My friends liked this $30 Gitano outfit that totally clashed!"
What the hell is Gitano? Apparently it's SERIOUS.
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March 30, 1992
"I finally got lots of hair off my legs when I shaved! Hooray!"
It's really the small victories in life, isn't it?
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The entry for July 6, 1992 is an essay called "Why My Little Brother is a Stupid Jerk."
Sorry, darling brother who still has a nickname I made up for you in 9th grade that means the same thing as the word "shit." Loves you!
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Proof that the 90s were, in general, a little scary:
March 16, 1992
"Must close now. David Robinson and John Lucas are on Aresnio tonight!"
Note: I watched the Aresnio Hall Show?
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July 5, 1992
"Warm it up, Kris! Kris Kross is awesome. Almost as good as Color Me Badd."
Sweet Jesus. There are no words.
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Proof that I haven't really changed all that much:
November 2, 1992
"Oh my gosh, I saw Al [Gore] at the Waterloo airport! One day until the election! I'm so excited! If Bill and Al don't win I will just die of sadness. And oh my gosh Al Gore is SO HOT. I love Al! LOVE HIM!"
I believe I am technically now in 9th grade writing this. Not that it matters; I think I still write the same way about Al Gore. Sigh.
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July 7, 1992
"I just feel like writing and writing and writing and never stopping. But I will since this is probably majorly boring to read."
At least I had self awareness, even though I still haven't stopped torturing people with my boring and never-ending words.
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February 5, 1992
"I guess SOMEONE has to be on the C team. But why me?"
I never magically gained that athletic prowess I had been hoping for. But not my fault, remember? My fingers!
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April 25, 1992
"Happy Arbor Day, Diary! Plant a tree! Cool the globe!"
Once a tree-hugger, always a tree hugger. Also, I don't remember wanting to cool the globe being a controversial viewpoint them. Go figure.
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June 22, 1993
"I have this pen pal who I met at the Big 8 Tournament. He's really cute, but UGH I can't believe he's a JAYHAWK!"
What IS the matter with Kansas?
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In the entry for April 19, I circled my own grammatical error and wrote "please pardon the illegibility of this missive."
No comment.
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Coming soon (I hope): Actual excerpts from my 4th grade diary, which I also found yesterday but didn't take the time to try and break into. (Unlike the eighth grade diary which has a combination lock on it that can be opened by remembering the combination "grab both covers and pull really hard for 15 seconds," this one has a padlock that has to be opened with a key that no longer exists -- I'm thinking throwing a really large rock at it will probably do the trick.)
Stay tuned.
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