The Diary Diaries, Part 2.

A few years after bringing you the exciting highlights of my eighth grade diary, I am excited today to present the highlights from my fourth through sixth grade diary because I was finally able to pick the ultra-secure Lisa Frank tiny padlock. Charlize Theron in The Italian Job I am not. But, at least for me, it was worth the wait. What you are about to read are the musings of a woman on the edge -- the edge of going to middle school. I laughed. I cried. I walked and bought Wacky Wafers. Enjoy.

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September 11, 1987: "Today was a boring day. The only thing I did was take a walk and buy Wacky Wafers." 

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December 30, 1987: "Christmas has passed and we got a computer! I also got FOUR sets of markers, TWO art kits, and GOBS of books. We have two disks for our computer. One is Facemaker and the other is Jeopardy!, which is fun, but the other contestants -- Glenn or Keith -- can really get on your nerves."

I actually remember those little pixelated turds on the Jeopardy! game. They buzzed in before you could even read the question, so yeah: Eat a big bag of dicks, Glenn and Keith.

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February 10, 1988: "Sorry I haven't written in a while, Diary. I dropped you behind the drawer and I finally figured out a way to get you out."

Jaws of life.

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December 8, 1988: "I went to the orthodontist today. My teeth hurt. They're constantly changing the wires and I'm sick of it. I'm like, "When is it gonna be final?" And I hate it when they are sitting there talking to each other about hamburgers while putting on one of life's most painful things."

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Between December 15-19, 1988, there are multiple entries and quite a bit of drama about not wanting to wear some fancy dress to school, including: "I don't see why I have to wear a dress that is so fancy for the whole school day Monday when all the other girls will be wearing jean skirts and Scottie dog sweaters." (Apparently Scottie dog sweaters were all the rage in '88.) I wish I could remember what this was all about, but I'll just have to assume it was another example of my mother's taste level being too high for me to fit in. She once staged a coup at our church when I was told I was supposed to wear white shoes for my Lutheran confirmation and the ceremony was BEFORE MEMORIAL DAY YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.

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December 24, 1988: "Santa will bring all kinds of nice stuff. I don't know why but I just can't stop thinking about it."

I have no idea why a kid would get excited about Christmas morning, either. Probably the greatest mystery in this diary.

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January 24, 1989: "I'm never telling my mom about my D on my open book social studies test."

Don't read this, Mom. It says 'never.' Also: I got a D on an OPEN BOOK test?

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April 1, 1989: "Sam Mack was arrested a few days ago."

Ahhhh, great moments in Cyclone history, documented by a child.

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April 16, 1989: "On the 18th Cocktail is coming out on video. I want to see it, but it's rated R. I love Tom Cruise."

Barf. Wow. Just wow.

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On June 9, 1989, I was apparently left home to babysit my brother while my parents were at a party. I went on for four pages about how I was afraid someone with a knife was going to jump out and stab me but that I didn't want to tell my parents because then they wouldn't let me stay home alone with my brother anymore. Then I wrote, "I wish my parents would come home soon."

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June 18, 1989: "I'm getting all kinds of letters, cards, and stuff about my poetry. It's the biggest thing that's ever happened."

(That year I won a state poetry contest and there was an article about it in the Waterloo-Cedar Falls Courier. It truly was THE BIGGEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED. Especially considering that I was a dummy who got a D on her open book social studies test.)

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October 3, 1989: "School is going well. I can always get my locker open."

It is obvious from reading several pages of this diary that my major concern going into middle school was whether or not I would be able to get my locker open on a regular basis. 

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There are also several entries updating my diary on what was going on in the wide world of sports. If you need any men's college basketball scores from 1988-1989, this is probably your definitive source. Please note, however, that all scores also come with a report of whether or not I practiced piano.